Toward Healing
by DixieFaithful
Summary: Something is terribly wrong with Barbara. Will Helena and Dinah figure it out before it's too late?
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** The characters herein contained are the property of Warner Brothers, Tollin-Robbins Productions & DC Comics.

**Toward Healing, chapter 1**

The clocktower guestroom was cool and dark, the bed soft and warm, but still Helena Kyle could not sleep. She had long since stopped trying. Instead she lay flat on her back, staring at the darkened ceiling, her head filled with troubling thoughts of Barbara.

It had been seven days since Harley Quinn had been defeated and they had retaken control of the clocktower. It had been seven days since Wade Brixton died. It had also been seven days since Barbara Gordon had come out of her room. Although initially Barbara had appeared to accept Wade's death as an unfortunate side effect of the life she had chosen, the life of a crimefighter, she had since descended into a void filled with grief, regret and self-loathing. Helena could see it in her eyes after Wade died.

Barbara had always been an early riser, never failing to be the first one up in the morning, fully dressed and smiling over her coffee as Dinah and Helena, when she stayed over, stumbled out of their rooms, bleary eyed and grumbling as they groped their way toward the showers.

The day after the clocktower had been reclaimed and repaired, when their lives should have once again returned to some semblance of normalcy, Helena had stumbled out of the guestroom to find not Barbara, but Dinah monitoring the Delphi System.

"Good. You're up," Dinah greeted her brusquely.

"Good morning to you too," Helena grumbled. "Where's Barbara?"

Dinah moved away from the computers. "She hasn't come out of her room yet. I'm really worried."

Helena glanced at the clock. "It's almost noon."

"Should I go check on her?" Dinah asked, concerned.

"No. Let me." Helena trudged her way back to the penthouse, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She paused with her hand on the doorknob and tapped gently on the door. When there was no answer, she opened it cautiously. Barbara's room was dark.

Helena stepped inside slowly. "Barbara?" she called softly. There was no answer, though Helena could clearly see that although still in bed, Barbara was fully awake. "Barbara, are you okay?" Helena moved toward the bed.

"I'm fine, Helena. Just need to be alone for a little while." The softly spoken words sent a chill through the Huntress.

Helena sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her mentor's hand. There was something about the way the woman was acting that concerned Helena. In all the years that she had known her, Helena had never seen Barbara quite so...what was the word?

Barbara was propped up in the center of the bed with several pillows behind her back. The white comforter had been folded back, while the deep green sheets were pulled up over Barbara's chest. But it wasn't the position of the woman that concerned Helena. It was her eyes. Barbara's green eyes normally glittered, filled with a wisdom and intelligence that far surpassed her years. Her eyes were full of life, hope, and expectancy. They were eyes that Helena found comforting, familial, and familiar. The eyes that Helena now searched were distant, cold, and startlingly unfamiliar. They were...despondent.

Helena sucked in her breath as she finally thought of the word she had been searching for. She had never seen Barbara so despondent. Even when she had been shot and lost the use of her legs, and the identity that went along with them, Barbara had refused to give up. She had reinvented herself. Though she now fought in a different way, Oracle was every bit as strong as Batgirl had been. Maybe even stronger. The woman that Helena now studied had clearly accepted defeat. Helena glanced down at the hand she still held, realizing suddenly that she was gripping it dangerously tight. Barbara did not appear to notice.

"Is there anything you need?" Helena asked softly.

"No, Helena." Barbara's voice was flat, emotionless. "Please just leave me alone."

"Okay, Barbara." Helena gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then stood. "I'm going to stay here for a while, take a few days off."

Barbara didn't even glance in her direction.

"Let me know if there's anything you need," Helena said as she slipped quietly out the door.

That had been a week ago. Barbara had not come out of her room. She had barely spoken and ate only when someone forced her to. Helena didn't want to admit it, but she was scared. As bold and as brash as she was, it was Barbara who had always been the strong one. It was Barbara who had taken her in when she had nowhere else to go. It was Barbara who had taught her to fight, taught her to channel the rage that threatened to consume her. It was Barbara who had created a safe haven for her, who had given her the love and compassion that she so desperately needed, but refused to accept from anyone else. It was all Barbara.

Startled from her thoughts, Helena suddenly sensed a presence outside the room. Her eyes shifted feral as she listened to the careful footsteps and soft breathing near the open door. Then Helena felt her eyes change back to normal as she recognized the familiar presence.

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Toward Healing, chapter 2**

"Come in, Dinah," Helena called softly.

The blonde moved slowly into the room. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay, kid. I wasn't asleep anyway."

Dinah perched carefully on the edge of the bed. 

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Helena propped herself up on one elbow and searched the blonde's face intently. 

"No," Dinah answered in a small voice. "I just couldn't sleep." She shivered slightly in the coolness of the room. 

"Here," Helena said, holding out the edge of the covers and scooting over to make room for Dinah to slide in beside her. 

"Thanks....Helena?"

"Yeah?"

"Is Barbara okay?"

Helena sighed. "I don't know, Dinah." 

Moments passed as each girl was lost in her own thoughts. 

"Helena?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared." Dinah sniffed, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She had finally found a place where she felt like she belonged, where she was loved and accepted for who she was, not for how 'normal' she pretended to be. And now that environment was being threatened. Although Dinah looked up to Helena, it was Barbara that she depended upon. Barbara had become the mother figure that Dinah had always longed for, even if it wasn't cool to admit it.

"What are you scared of, Dinah?" Helena asked, though she already knew the answer. It was the same thing she was so desperately afraid of. 

"Losing Barbara." The tears began to fall and Dinah tried in vain to stifle the sobs that formed deep inside.

Helena's heart went out to the girl. Dinah had never had a normal, loving family, and now that she had found one, some psychopath had tried to take it away from her. And Barbara was letting it happen.

"C'mere, kid," Helena invited softly, holding out her arm and reaching toward Dinah.

Dinah stiffened, wanting nothing more than to be held, to be comforted by the older woman, but she was hesitant. She didn't want to invade Helena's privacy. She knew that Helena buried her thoughts and emotions deeply, and preferred it that way. If she allowed Dinah to touch her, she ran the risk of letting the girl see what was inside her, all the things she kept so carefully hidden away from everyone, including those she loved. Still, it had been a long time since Dinah had gotten a hit off Helena. The older woman must have figured out some way to block her. But Dinah could tell that Helena was feeling unusually emotional tonight. What if she couldn't block her and Dinah ended up seeing something that Helena didn't want her to? What if--?

"'S okay, kid," Helena insisted, as if reading Dinah's mind. "Deflector shields up," she added with a half smile.

Dinah began to sob in earnest as she slid into Helena's embrace, resting her head against the brunette's shoulder. Helena wrapped comforting arms around the girl, rubbing her back soothingly and gently smoothing her hair away from her face.

Dinah sobbed against Helena's shoulder, grateful for the comfort of the other woman's strength. Mentally, Dinah chided herself for being such a wimp. _Why can't I be more like Helena?_ she wondered. _She's strong, confident, and in control of herself. She's not a wuss like me._

Helena's mind was reeling. She felt so lost, so helpless. If only she could find some way to help Barbara. _Doesn't Barbara know how much we need her? How much_ I _need her?_ Helena knew people just assumed that she was the strong, independent type. It sort of came with the Huntress persona, but the truth was, she would be lost without Barbara.

Helena had suffered so much loss in her young life, but through it all, she had had one person she could count on. And that person was Barbara Gordon. Helena was only mildly surprised to feel tears spring to her eyes. _Am I being selfish?_ she wondered. _Barbara just lost what could have been the love of her life, on top of everything else she's lost, and here I am worrying about myself._ Helena squeezed her eyes shut as more tears began to form. _No. It's not selfish. We still have each other. We need each other, Barbara, Dinah, and I. We are a family. We can't lose her. I can't lose her._ Opening her eyes and staring at the ceiling once again, she let the tears fall freely down her cheeks.

As Dinah's tears began to subside, she shifted her position slightly. Helena had not moved for a while and Dinah wondered whether or not she had fallen asleep. "Helena?" Dinah asked softly, placing her hand on Helena's waist.

The answering sniffle both shocked an amazed the young blonde. Huntress was crying.

"Oh, Helena," Dinah slid her arm around the brunette's stomach in a makeshift effort to comfort the older girl.


	3. Toward Healing 3

Helena angrily swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, refusing to break down completely in front of someone else. Nevertheless, she reached out to touch the younger girl's arm in a gesture of gratitude.

"I'm okay, kid. Really."

Both women were silent for a long moment as Helena tried to compose herself. Finally, Dinah spoke.

"Helena? Will you tell me about Barbara? I mean, what she was like when she was younger?"

Helena sighed as memories flooded her mind. Where could she begin? She closed her eyes as she tried to put into words who Barbara Gordon was, to do justice to the incredible woman who was her mentor and friend.

"Barbara was-is-always has been...amazing." She paused, running her free hand through her own tousled hair, the other still wrapped protectively around Dinah's shoulders. "Did you know that she was a gymnast?"

Dinah shook her head silently.

"She was. And an incredible one at that. She was amazingly strong, agile...graceful. And she was an amazing competitor. No one could even come close to beating her. But she wasn't just physically gifted. Well, you know Barbara's a genius."

"Yeah," Dinah affirmed with a slight smile. "That's kinda hard to miss."

Helena smiled despite herself, continuing. "She could have done anything she wanted. She could have made millions designing software, she could have been a world renowned professor, a scientist, a government consultant, she could have done _anything_." Helena sighed. "But she chose to become a school teacher. Low pay, no recognition, but she could help people. Just like Batgirl did."

Helena raked her fingers through her hair again. "Batgirl. That was something else she chose. She told me once that Batman hadn't even wanted her at first. He tried everything in his power to get her to change her mind about becoming a crimefighter, but she was determined. And she was good. She was brash, impulsive, and relentless, but she was also thoughtful, caring, and compassionate."

"Sounds a lot like you," Dinah interrupted.

"Maybe. Could be that's why we get along so well, but Barbara is-was-is so much stronger than I am." Helena was having a hard time keeping her tenses straight. Barbara had changed so much in the past week that Helena was having a hard time reconciling the person that Barbara had been when she was Batgirl, who she was when she was Oracle, and who she had become since Wade's death.

Dinah sensed her hesitation and tightened her hold on Helena's waist, hoping to convey her understanding.

Helena sighed and rested her cheek against the top of Dinah's head, surprising herself by taking comfort in the sympathy Dinah offered, but not for too long. The carefully crafted Huntress persona would not allow her to show too much vulnerability. She slowly eased herself away from the girl slightly, though maintaining her hold around the blonde's shoulders. Huntress didn't mind being the comfort_er_, but being the comfort_ed_ was more than she could handle right now.

Helena cleared her throat, trying to clear her head with the same act. "I was sixteen when she took me in. Barbara was twenty-four. I don't know if she had any idea what she was getting into. It couldn't have been easy for her. I mean, she was newly paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair, and forced to raise a teenager who was determine to destroy herself and any and everything in her path. I couldn't have made it easy for her. And yet, she saved me. She saved me from myself. I owe her everything." Helena's voice broke with the last admission. 

"Helena," Dinah began.

"No," Helena cut her off. "You don't understand. You can't know how much pain I must have caused her and how much love she gave me in return." Helena thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to make Dinah see what it had been like, how to describe their early life together. There was only one option.

"Let me show you, Dinah," she whispered, taking the girl's hand in her own and consciously dropping the barriers she used to shield her emotions.


	4. Toward Healing 4

**Toward Healing, chapter 4**

Dinah's left hand began to tingle slightly and she gasped as she felt a slight tugging in her mind. The cool darkness of the guestroom and the warmth of Helena's closeness fell away and Dinah found herself in the black and white recreation of a small apartment.

The afternoon sunlight streamed brightly through the windows into a small, but comfortable, living room. A sofa and coffee table at the end of the room faced a modest entertainment center. The area of the living room closest to where Dinah stood had been turned into a makeshift dining area, housing a table and four chairs. Books, papers, pencils, and other various items were scattered across the table's surface.

Dinah peered closer at the papers on the table. One caught her eye. _My hero...my mother_, was scrawled across the top. It appeared to be an essay. _Despite the fact that they have historically been viewed as the weaker sex, women have played an important part in history. They have influenced the course of countless lives. My life is the perfect example of such influence. One woman is responsible for who I am. My mother, my hero._

Dinah recognized Helena's carefree handwriting, so fitting for her personality. Dinah had always found it slightly amusing that Helena printed everything. The only time she ever wrote in cursive was when she was signing her name. From the looks of things, Helena appeared to have been working on a school assignment.

A sudden noise distracted Dinah from her examination of the essay. It sounded like a whimper. A choked gasping noise followed immediately and Dinah turned away from the table to scan the rest of the apartment. To the right was a kitchenette; to the left, a short hallway. It was from that direction that the noise had originated.

Before Dinah could investigate, however, the front door opened and a younger, but no less striking Barbara Gordon entered.

"Helena, I'm home!" she called.

Dinah studied the younger incarnation of her mentor. Her hair was the same, but pulled back into a girlish ponytail. She was thinner, though loose clothing hid that fact somewhat. Her motorized wheelchair was gone and in its place Dinah observed a basic black, gizmo-free manual wheelchair. But what shocked Dinah the most was how tired Barbara looked. Pain was etched across her features, her green eyes dull, emphasizing the bags underneath.

_She looks like she's gone twelve rounds with a rhinoceros_, Dinah thought.

"Helena?" Barbara called again, setting her briefcase next to the table. She picked up the half written essay just as the sound of another whimper filtered out into the living room.

"Helena!"

Dinah followed as Barbara raced as fast as her arms would maneuver her to the first door down the hall. Without bothering to knock, she flung the door open and wheeled inside.

The sparsely furnished room was a mess, with clothing, photographs, and trinkets scattered across the floor. Helena Kyle sat on the floor, leaning against the edge of the bed, and holding a single photograph in her hand.

Dinah was amazed at how young the girl looked. She wore blue jeans and a pink tee shirt, her long brown hair loose around her shoulders. Helena's knees were drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them for support. She looked up as Barbara approached, her tear streaked face contorted as she tried to stifle a sob with the back of her hand. 

Barbara was out of her chair and at Helena's side on the floor in an instant. Dinah was amazed. Barbara obviously had not been paralyzed for long, yet she had managed the transfer with amazing speed.

_Speed borne of desperation, no doubt_, Dinah thought. She watched Barbara pull the young girl into her arms, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair in an attempt to soothe her. 

"Oh, Barbara, I miss her so much," Helena sobbed, leaning further into the embrace, the photograph falling from her hand. 

Dinah gazed at the photo. Helena and Selina Kyle were standing in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, arms around each other and smiling. They looked so happy, so carefree. It was obvious, even to someone who had never seen them together, that they were very close. Dinah's attention returned to the huddled forms on the floor.

"I know, I know," Barbara was saying. "Just let it all out. It's okay to cry. I'm here. I've got you." 

Helena cried as if her heart would break, taking comfort in the arms that held her, grateful that she was not alone. Then suddenly, the tears subsided and the uncontrollable sadness was replaced by blinding rage.

"Why did she have to die?" Helena wailed. "Why did she have to die?"

Still Barbara held her, soothing her. "I don't know, sweetie."

"Why did she have to leave me alone?"

"Oh, Helena. You're not alone." Dinah could see that Barbara's heart was aching for the girl.

Abruptly, Helena withdrew from Barbara's embrace, returning to her former position with her knees drawn to her chest. "You're not my mom." Her voice was pinched with anger as well as sorrow. "You can't replace her! Why couldn't _she_ have been the one who lived?" The young brunette once again erupted into hot tears. Sobbing loudly, she buried her head in her arms and began to rock back and forth.

Dinah felt tears begin to form in her own eyes at the heartbreaking scene. The tears began to fall freely as she watched the redhead, in obvious physical pain and emotionally stung by the brunette's words, shift somewhat awkwardly to enfold the younger girl into her arms again. This time Barbara just held her, rocking slightly and stroking the long brown locks until the choked sobs turned into faint whimpers and finally quieted all together.

Barbara cupped Helena's cheek in her hand and gently kissed the girl's forehead. Gazing earnestly into red-rimmed blue eyes, Barbara spoke softly. "I can never replace your mother, Helena. No one can do that and I would never even try. But you need to know that you are _not_ alone. I'm here for you, Helena. Whenever you need me." With her thumb Barbara brushed away the remaining tears on the girl's cheek. "I love you," she whispered fiercely. "Now, why don't you go take a shower? It'll make you feel better."

Helena nodded slightly, then stood and exited the room. Dinah watched as Barbara struggled for several minutes before finally pulling herself back into her chair.

"I knew she would have trouble," a voice behind Dinah spoke. She turned to find Helena standing there, the 23 year old Helena that she knew--short hair, sexy clothes--a far cry from the scared and angry child from this memory. "I knew she would have trouble getting back into the chair alone. She hadn't really built up her upper body strength yet," Helena explained, her eyes filled with pain, her expression sorrowful. "I knew she needed help, but I was so angry, so confused. I just wanted to be alone." She paused. "And I think a little part of me wanted her to suffer like I was suffering. So I stood in the hallway and listened to her struggle." Helena hung her head in shame.

Dinah stepped forward and took Helena by the hands, forcing her to look up. "Helena, you were hurting. I understand. I'm sure Barbara understands too."

"No." Helena shook her head and pulled away. "You don't know. You don't understand. That's not all. There's more."

"Helena, I am telling you right now that there is nothing you could have done that would make Barbara love you any less."

"Just wait, Dinah. I need to show you." She reached out and grabbed the young telepath's hand.


	5. Toward Healing 5

**Toward Healing, chapter 5**

The scenery changed and Dinah found herself alone once again in the living room of the same small apartment. The arrangement of the furniture had changed, as though the women living there had had time to adjust to their new lives together and had adjusted the living space accordingly.

Dinah did not have time to study the changes, however, for almost immediately, Barbara wheeled herself into the apartment, as angry as Dinah had ever seen her.

"Helena!" she bellowed. "Helena, I know you're here!"

The bedroom door slammed open and Helena emerged. Her hair was shorter, about shoulder length, and she was wearing dark blue jeans and a black tee shirt. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she had been up all night. "What?" she answered, her voice tinged with irritation.

"Where have you been?" Barbara snapped.

"Out," was Helena's nonchalant answer.

"Out? Out! Helena, it's 2:00! In the afternoon! On a school day!"

"So?"

Barbara was obviously struggling to get a hold of herself as she wheeled forward. "So you've been out all night and most of today." Her voice was slightly calmer. "I don't even want to know where you've been. I'm sure I can guess, but Helena," Barbara took hold of Helena's wrist, "you cannot do that again."

Helena jerked her arm free. "Why not? Nobody cares. And it's fun."

"I care!"

"No, you don't!"

"Yes, I do."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever."

"Helena--"

"Don't bother, Barbara." Helena turned to walk away, but Barbara caught her arm. "Let go," Helena hissed through clenched teeth.

"Helena," Barbara tried again, maintaining her hold on the girl's arm.

"I said let go!" Helena spun around, fist striking toward Barbara's face at an incredible speed.

Amazingly, the redhead caught the blow with her hand just before it landed. Squeezing the fist with such incredible strength that it made the brunette gasp, Barbara spat, "Don't you ever do that again."

Dinah was startled to see that Helena' eyes had shifted. As Barbara increased the pressure on Helena's fist, the girl blinked in pain several times and her eyes shifted back to normal. Dinah wondered if Helena had even know what was happening to her or why.

After what seemed like an eternity of Barbara's green eyes boring into Helena's blue, the redhead relinquished her hold on the girl's hand and Helena spun on her heel and retreated to her bedroom.

"By the way," Barbara called after her, "you're grounded."

The scene suddenly shifted again. It was night in the apartment and somehow Dinah knew that it was later that same day. Dinah found herself in Helena's bedroom. The clock on the nightstand said 11:30 and Helena was lying in bed, tossing and turning. Occasionally she would mutter something under her breath. Dinah could not make out the words, but she knew from the tone that Helena was furious.

There was a tap at the door, but Helena refused to respond. When the door opened softly and Barbara entered, the young brunette pretended to be asleep.

Barbara wheeled quietly into the room and to the edge of Helena's bed. For a moment she just sat, watching the girl. Then, slowly, she reached out and smoothed Helena's bangs away from her face. "I'm so sorry, Hel," she whispered. "I know things are rough right now--for the both of us--but they _will_ get better." She paused for a long moment, wiping another strand of hair out of Helena's eyes. "I'm not going to give up on you." Then she turned silently and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

Helena immediately burst into tears. She cried for a long time, wrapping arms around herself and curling into a ball. When her tears gave way to hiccupy gasps, she crept out of bed and down the hall to Barbara's darkened room. Stealing silently into the room, she hid in the shadows, waiting, watching.

When Barbara did not make an indication that she was aware of the girl's presence, Helena padded silently to the unoccupied side of the bed. Stealthily she slid under the covers, careful not to wake the other woman.

But Barbara was awake and fully aware of her presence. Rolling carefully onto her side, Barbara reached out and slowly closed her hand over Helena's. That was all it took for the previously sullen and withdrawn teenager to launch herself, sobbing, into her guardian's arms.

Barbara rolled onto her back once again, pulling the weeping teen closer to rest her head on her shoulder, the redhead's arms holding her securely, smoothing her hair and soothing her until the tears subsided and at last she fell asleep.

The final thing she was aware of was Barbara's voice whispering words of comfort. She was safe. She was forgiven. She was loved. For the moment, that was all that Helena needed to know.

Dinah was briefly aware of the younger Helena's emotions before a sudden tug in her mind pulled her back to reality. Dinah found herself once again resting against Helena's warm shoulder in the comfortable coolness of the clocktower guestroom.


	6. Toward Healing 6

**Toward Healing, chapter 6**

"I hurt her so many times," Helena whispered into the darkness. "I could see it in her eyes. And all she ever gave me in return was love, understanding, and forgiveness. She saved me. I owe her everything."

Helena could not hold back the emotion anymore. She began to weep. For herself: for losing her anchor, the one person who made her feel safe; for Dinah: who had lost her mentor, the mother-figure she had so longed for; and Barbara: the woman who had lost herself, her confidence, her will to fight. So much loss, all because of one psychopath's destructive scheme and the once unflappable woman who was allowing it to happen. 

Dinah tightened her hold around Helena's waist, attempting in vain to comfort the older woman.

"I owe her everything," Helena repeated. "But I don't know how to reach her. I don't know how to help her. She won't let me in."

"Helena," Dinah spoke gently. "How did Barbara help you?" She answered her own question. "By being there for you. By holding you. By forgiving you when you couldn't forgive yourself." Dinah paused, lost in thought. "Maybe that's what Barbara needs from you now. What she needs from us."

Helena drew a deep, shuddering breath as she contemplated what Dinah had said. Maybe the kid was right. Maybe all Barbara needed was their love and understanding.

"Wait a minute," Helena said suddenly, sitting up and reaching for the bedside lamp. Folding her legs beneath her, she turned to face Dinah who too had moved to sit cross-legged in the bed. Though Helena's face was tearstained and puffy in the pale glow of the lamplight, her red-rimmed eyes blazed as she spoke.

"We've tried to be there for Barbara." Her anger flared. "We've tried. And all she's done is push us away."

"Helena—"

"No! She's being selfish and self-indulgent and it's going to stop! Right now!" Helena threw back the covers and started toward the door.

Dinah reached out and caught her arm. "What are you going to do, Helena? Force her to talk to you? Demand that she open up? Shake her until she agrees to talk? Hit her maybe?"

Helena's anger deflated and she slumped back to the bed. "I just don't know what to do, Dinah."

"I know. Me either."

"I just wish I knew what was going on inside her head." The implication of that softly spoken, almost defeated statement hung in the air. Helena's eyes shone with a newfound hope as she spoke excitedly. "Barbara's given up. For some reason she has already accepted defeat when she should be fighting."

"So we're going to find out what that reason is," Dinah finished, her own enthusiasm almost bubbling over.

"Right," Helena smiled brilliantly at the girl. "And we're going to help her fight." Just moments ago she had been so hopeless, almost ready to admit defeat herself. But now they had hope. They had a chance. They had a plan. "You ready?" she asked Dinah.

"You betcha." Dinah's pale blue eyes sparked with excitement, with hope. "You realize that she's going to be furious?" she added, knowing that it would never even faze Helena.

"Yeah, well, guess she's just going to have to deal with it then. C'mon. Let's go." Clasping Dinah's hand, Helena strode through the darkened clocktower, the blonde trailing awkwardly behind her.

When Helena stopped abruptly at Barbara's door, Dinah crashed into her. "Sorry," Dinah whispered. "I can't see in the dark."

"Don't worry about it, kid." Helena replied. "Are you ready for this?"

Dinah nodded and Helena swung the door open silently, not bothering to knock. Barbara never responded anymore anyway. Helena felt Dinah begin to tremble slightly as they entered the room. Squeezing her hand, Helena tried her best to reassure her.

Helena looked toward Barbara lying in the bed and blanched at what she saw. Barbara was awake, but clearly unaware of their presence. Her normally vibrant eyes were sunken and hollow, her skin sallow and her hair unkempt. She had also obviously not changed her clothing in several days.

"Barbara," Helena breathed, in shock. Giving Dinah a prompting nudge, she moved toward the left side of the bed, while Dinah approached on the right. It was only when they had each taken one of Barbara's hands in their own that the redhead became aware of their presence.

"Girls," Barbara rasped, her voice laced with shock and annoyance. "What are you doing here?"

"We're here to help you, Barbara." Dinah's voice was soft and even, but Helena could sense the tears lurking behind the words.

"Thank you, but I don't need your help." Barbara's voice was bitter now, the words staccato. "Please leave."

"We're not going anywhere," Helena insisted gently, her anger now completely evaporated in the face of her mentor's obvious pain. Carefully she climbed into the bed, sliding one arm around behind Barbara's shoulders and resting her cheek against the top of Barbara's head.

Dinah followed her cue, settling herself with one are behind Barbara's back, the other around her waist, and cautiously resting her head against Barbara's shoulder. Before the older woman knew what was happening, she was enveloped in a group hug of sorts, surrounded by the caring arms of her protégés.

Barbara began to protest, but Helena caught her hand, holding it in a steady grip as Dinah covered both of their hands with her own.


	7. Toward Healing 7

**Toward Healing, chapter 7**

"Helena, where are we?"

Helena found herself standing in the middle of a deserted street, still clutching Dinah's hand. The brunette studied their surroundings. The street was obviously near the center of New Gotham, surrounded by high rise buildings, though in the colorless mindscape, there was oddly not a person in sight. Helena recognized this place.

"We're outside Barbara's apartment," Helena spoke softly, almost reverently. "This is where she lived before… This is where the Joker shot her."

"I don't understand. Why isn't Barbara here? Whenever I go inside somebody's mind, I always go right to wherever they are." Dinah was apprehensive about this unexpected occurrence.

"Did you really expect Barbara's mind to be like everyone else's?" Helena questioned, trying to ease the girl's anxiety.

"No, I guess not," Dinah laughed a little.

"Come on, kid. Let's go find her."

Traveling through the colorless, peopleless world was unsettling for both young women, but soon they found themselves standing outside the door to Barbara' apartment. Helena reached up and fingered the numbers on the door. "This seems like a lifetime ago, and at the same time, like yesterday," she whispered.

"You lived here?" Dinah asked quietly.

"Yeah, for a while. Before we moved into the clocktower." Helena turned the doorknob silently and stepped cautiously inside.

Dinah found herself standing in the same small apartment that she had observed in Helena's memory. The television was on in the living room and Dinah could hear the shower running in the background. Helena moved closer to the television, apparently engrossed in the news program that was playing. It was only when she heard Helena gasp that Dinah too turned her attention to the screen.

_"We have a breaking story,"_ a female reporter announced. _"A fatal stabbing in downtown New Gotham. Reports coming in that the victim is the infamous Selina Kyle, the mysterious and beautiful business woman once accused of leading a double life as a jewel thief called Catwoman."_

"Helena!" A breathless gasp from the back of the apartment broke the flow of the report.

_"It is now confirmed. She is dead at the scene."_

Helena clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling the sob that threatened to escape. Dinah moved to comfort her, grasping the older woman's shoulders and holding tight.

_"Catwoman is survived by her only daughter, Helena."_

Wet footsteps slapped against the floor as a young Barbara Gordon, clad only in a plain white robe, dashed toward the telephone.

Dinah clutched Helena's shoulders tighter, amazed to observe her mentor's former physical prowess firsthand, as the reporter continued her story.

_"Ms. Kyle has been romantically linked to the enigmatic millionaire, Bruce Wayne."_

A surge of light and a clap of thunder assaulted the girls' senses just as the building's power went out. Barbara looked up from the telephone, startled as three slow knocks sounded on the front door.

"Helena!" Barbara cried, running for the door.

"No!" Helena choked out, surging forward only to be caught in Dinah's firm grasp.

"No, Helena," Dinah insisted. "You can't change the past."

Helena stopped struggling.

Barbara yanked the door open. A sharp pop and a flash of light and Helena was horrified to see Barbara's body propelled backward in slow motion, almost suspended in midair before hitting the marble floor with a sickening thump.

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Batgirl. Past tense." Maniacal laughter filled the room. Bright red blood pooled around the still form, it's vibrant color a stark contrast to the black and white scenery in the mindscape world.

Dinah had seen this event before. It was precisely how she had dreamed it years ago. But Helena had only pieced together what had happened from hearsay and rumor. Barbara had refused to talk about it. But now, seeing the horrific nature of the brutal attack, seeing the terror and pain that her friend was forced to endure. Alone…

A sob tore itself loose from Helena's throat. She jerked herself free from Dinah's grasp and sank to her knees beside her fallen mentor. "I'm here, Barbara," she sobbed, smoothing back the damp red hair from Barbara's forehead. "You're not alone," she whispered fiercely. "I'm here." Cradling the redhead's broken body in her arms, she rocked back and forth slowly, whispering repeatedly, "I'm here. You're not alone. I'm here."

Dinah watched the scene with tears streaming down her cheeks. Barbara did not respond to Helena's attempts to comfort her. Dinah knew that Helena could not change the memory, that Barbara might not even be aware of Helena's actions, but the blonde knew that Helena needed to react in such a way, if only to ease some of her own misplaced guilt over the event.

A brief moment passed as Dinah watched Helena cradle her mentor's still from and then the scene changed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Toward Healing, chapter 8**

Helena and Dinah found themselves standing in the center of the clocktower, right next to the Delphi Monitor System. Helena wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and tried to compose herself as she examined her surroundings.

Barbara was manning the computers as usual. It appeared to be a normal day.

Dinah looked questioningly at Helena, who shrugged her confusion as well.

Then Barbara spoke. "Huntress? What's going on?"

Canary's drawing Hawke's fire while Dinah and I get out! The building's gonna blow!

Dinah's eyes grew wide as she realized what was happening. Barbara was reliving the day that her mother died.

A massive explosion thundered over the comm.

"Huntress?!?!" Oracle screamed.

Oof! We're okay! Helena sounded like the wind had been knocked out of her. Dinah and I are okay, but...Canary... She didn't make it out. 

Tears welled in Dinah's eyes and she felt Helena's hand slide into her own.

No, Dinah!

Let me go!

Wrenching sobs sounded through the comms.

Holding tight to Helena's hand, Dinah watched in amazement as Oracle took off her glasses, buried her face in her hands and began to cry. The muffled sobs filtering through the comm system were accompanied by those wracking the slender body in front of them.

"I don't understand," Dinah spoke softly.

Helena stepped closer to the young blonde and, still watching the redhead weep, explained, "Barbara worked really closely with your mom when she was Batgirl. I guess Canary's death affected Barbara more than she let on."

"She must have hid how much she was hurting for my sake," Dinah surmised, a single tear trickling down her cheek. Mentally, she scolded herself for not seeing that her mentor had been hurting as well.

"She hid it from me too, Dinah," Helena pointed out, unwilling to let Dinah feel guilty for a choice that Barbara had made.

Without warning the scene changed again.

They were still in the clocktower, though many months had passed. The upper half of the clock face was covered by a large black tarp. Shattered glass covered the floor. The main room was silent, bathed only in the pale glow of the emergency lighting system.

As Helena glanced around the empty room, she noted the time and date displayed on one of the computers. February 20. 4:16 a.m. It was just before dawn, the day after Harley Quinn had taken over the clocktower. The day after Wade died. After reinstating the security system and covering the clock face with the tarp, they had all gone to bed, to get whatever rest they could before beginning the cleanup and repairs. Or so the younger women had thought.

An electronic whirr announced Barbara's entry from the penthouse. Without bothering to turn on the regular lighting, the redhead wheeled over to the computers and keyed in her access code.   
Clutching Dinah by the wrist, Helena stalked up onto the platform to stand behind Barbara as she typed frantically, bringing up, after a seemingly endless stream of access codes, the clocktower surveillance system.

Barbara's posture became rigid as a familiar form appeared on the screen and a chilling voice rang out, _"Very impressive."_ The intruder advanced further into the clocktower. _"I'm immediately comfortable."_

_"Excuse me,"_ a male voice, Wade's voice, interrupted the psychopath's exploration. _"Who are you?" _

_"Who are you?"_ the woman's voice reciprocated smoothly.

_"Wade. Wade Brixton."_

Barbara's shoulders shook slightly and Dinah longed to reach forward and comfort her mentor, but knew it would be useless.

_"Wade."_ The rapture on Quinn's face was obvious even on the surveillance footage. _"Oh, I am having just the best day!"_ she ranted in psychotic ecstasy. _"New Gotham's finest protecting and serving me and only me. Huntress doing my bidding." _

Helena groaned involuntarily at the painful reminder of what she had done.

_"And now here I move in to my new home and who do I find breathlessly waiting but the man Barbara Gordon loves."_

Barbara drew in a sharp breath.

_"What next? Hey, Wade. Will you do anything I ask?"_

_"Yes."_

"Why is she watching this?" Dinah hissed.

Helena only shook her head in silence.

_"Kiss me, Wade Brixton."_

Dinah's stomach lurched like she might throw up as Barbara gripped the armrests of her chair so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Helena could not tear her eyes from the screen as Harley fused her lips with Wade's, embracing him, caressing him, before plunging a knife straight into his heart. 

Barbara cried out sharply as Wade's face contorted in disbelief. Her hand clasped over her mouth in horror, the redhead let out an anguished cry as her lover sank to his knees and fell to the floor.

_"Kiss me goodnight."_

The footage continued to play though Helena could no longer see it through eyes blurred with tears. Dinah had a chokehold around one of her arms, but Helena could hardly feel it. She could feel nothing but the anguish and pain emanating from the woman in front of them. 

Helena had expected Barbara to melt down completely, to dissolve into heartrending sobs, but to her surprise she simply lowered her head, drew in a slow shaky breath, and composed herself precisely as she had done at No Man's Land only hours before. 

Helena looked to Dinah, finding her own sorrow, anguish, and confusion mirrored on the blonde's face. Stumbling backward, they made way for Barbara to back up and slowly wheel toward the elevator, eyes dry and face expressionless.

Abruptly the scene changed once again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Toward Healing, chapter 9**

Barbara was sitting on the ground in the middle of a darkened cemetery, cradling a black leather clad body in her arms. "Nooo…" she wailed, as harsh sobs wracked her thin frame. "No!"

Helena and Dinah moved closer, trying in vain to see who it was that she was holding.

"Helena!" Barbara wept and Helena's knees buckled as she saw her own lifeless face pressed against Barbara's chest.

"You can't leave me! Huntress, no!"

Dinah moved toward Helena, to steady her, when the body Barbara was clutching lengthened and stretched slightly. Now it was Dinah's still form that Oracle mourned.

"I'm so sorry, Dinah!" the redhead sobbed. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

Helena turned her head away, unable to watch her mentor cling to the lifeless body of her young partner. The name on a tombstone caught her eye.

_Selina Kyle 1959-1995_

The marker next to that read, _Helena Kyle 1979-2003_.

The stone next to that said, _Dinah Lance 1986-2003_.

The next, _Carolyn Lance 1963-2003_.

_Wade Brixton_. 

_James Gordon_.

_Dick Grayson_.

_Alfred Pennyworth_.

The names of all the people that Barbara loved were engraved on these solid reminders of human mortality.

Helena caught Dinah's arm and gestured to the nearest headstone. Dinah gasped as understanding dawned on her too.


	10. Chapter 10

**Toward Healing, chapter 10…the final chapter**

Again the scene shifted and they found themselves inside the clocktower once again. This time, however, the building was completely empty, devoid of all furniture and signs of human life, save for the slim redheaded figure that cowered solemnly in the corner, her immobile legs stretched out in front of her.

Cautiously, Helena and Dinah approached their mentor.

"Barbara," Dinah called softly. This was no memory, nor any projection of a future event. They had finally broken through all of the emotional barriers that shielded the woman's conscious self from them. Dinah was confident that at last they might be able to reach her.

"Barbara?" Helena knelt beside her friend, desperately searching for a reaction, any reaction, from her. "Oracle?"

Barbara blinked. A reaction.

"Oracle," Helena repeated as Dinah sank to the floor alongside them.

Barbara's head jerked back slightly and her eyes focused on her protégé's face. "There is no Oracle anymore," she announced in a voice devoid of all emotion.

"What?" Dinah gasped.

"What do you mean, Barbara?" Helena spoke softly, smoothing a lock of red hair out of Barbara's face.

"Oracle is a protector. The speaker of truth to those who would hear. An all knowing, all seeing guide to the hero and guardian to the helpless." Barbara spoke matter-of-factly. "But there is no one left to guide. No one left to protect. No one left who will hear. I failed. I couldn't stop your mother from dying. I couldn't save Canary. I lost Wade. I couldn't protect you or Dinah. I couldn't even protect myself." Barbara paused, her eyes staring fixedly into space. "There is no one left to guide, no one left to protect, no one left to save. Then there can be no Oracle."

"That is _not_ true," Dinah insisted earnestly, clasping one of Barbara's hands between both of her own. "We need you Barbara."

Helena picked up Barbara's other hand and squeezed it tightly. "We're right here with you, Barbara. We haven't left you. We still need you." She pressed Barbara's cold hand against her own warm cheek, trying to anchor the older woman with the contact. "Maybe we don't need a guide anymore. Maybe we don't need a protector."

Dinah started to protest, but Helena cut her off with a look.

"We don't need Oracle. We just need _you_, Barbara."

Dinah smiled as understanding took hold. She began to speak. "When I came to New Gotham, Barbara, I wasn't looking for a superhero or for someone to train me to be one. I was looking for someone to accept me, to love me for who and what I was. And I found that in you." She paused, her eyebrows crinkling in concentration. "Don't get me wrong, I love being a superhero. But I love being part of your family even more." Tears shimmered in Dinah's eyes as she looked to Helena, silently asking her to continue.

"I feel the same way, Barbara," Helena confirmed. "After my mom died, I was determined to never love anybody ever again. But you made that impossible. I would not have survived without you, Barbara. I owe you everything." Tears began to slowly make their way down Helena's cheeks, but she continued regardless. "Do you remember what you told me when Ketterly was in my mind?"

Barbara did not respond, continuing to stare into space, but Helena knew that she was listening.

"You told me that I didn't have to protect you, but that we have to protect each other. Why is it different for you? You don't have to protect us, Barbara. We have to protect each other. Let us protect you now." She wrapped both arms around her mentor's stoic form. "Let us help you," she whispered into the fiery hair.

Dinah moved to place her arms around Barbara as well. "We love you, Barbara."

The redhead's slender shoulders shook slightly. Then stronger tremors slid through her frame. And then her whole body was wracked by fierce sobs that tore at her lungs and throat. She cried for a long moment, encased in the strong arms of her protégés, her friends.

Suddenly, the manifestation of the empty clocktower fell away and the women found themselves once again in Barbara's bedroom.

A harsh sob escaped Barbara's lips as she was flooded with long-repressed emotions. She struggled to move into a sitting position, fighting to pull air into lungs that were seared with pain. Choked gasps and anguished cries mixed randomly with desperate sobs as the redhead at last released the viselike grip she had maintained on her emotions.

Helena tightened her hold on her mentor as Dinah did the same. Together they soothed and comforted the older woman with softly spoken words and tender caresses. Tears flowed freely down both women's cheeks, tears of sorrow, tears of relief, tears of gratitude.

At long last, Barbara's tears subsided and she relaxed, exhausted, into the arms that held her close. Gently they eased her back into her pillows, holding her close until she fell into a much needed slumber. Before long, Dinah drifted off as well. Helena smiled as she watched them sleep, her mentor and her young partner.

Barbara's bedroom was warm and comfortable as Helena Kyle lay on her back, watching the early morning sunlight filter through the window. There was still much left to be resolved, but they were definitely on their way toward healing.

The End


End file.
